We fight even when it’s in our best interest not to.

Recently I’ve worked with 3 different corporate clients where people within the executive teams have been disrespectful, resentful, mean, passive aggressive, defensive, gossiping and condescending to each other.

And they are on the same team – working for the same company!

This kind of kind of leadership behavior is destructive and toxic. It sends a message to the rest of the company about what is acceptable behavior. The organization will mirror what the leaders do.

We are willing to have certain relationships destroyed for the sake of more money, prestige, to protect our image or to prove that we are right.

It’s usually our ego’s desire to be seen as smarter, better, more important than others. So we sacrifice the vision and goal of the team for our own self interest.

It usually takes the CEO or President of the company to lead the change. When he/she decides to lead with integrity, vulnerability and humility then the energy of team will begin to shift.

It’s tough work to do, but when it’s done it’s the foundation of what makes great teams great.

Until next time, Passion Rules!

We’re all full of excuses. We rationalize, justify, throw up all kinds of deflections to help ourselves avoid the truth. Excuses let us wiggle our way out of our commitments. Yet, in the end, we’re no better because of our excuses.

A job offer comes up and you turn it down. An opportunity presents itself and you decline. Your spouse wants to share a night out on the town, and you say no. Your doctor says you’re 15 pounds overweight, and you do nothing about it.

I hear it all the time at my retreats. One guy said he’d gained 10 pounds. He knew he needed to exercise, to shed the weight and improve his health. “Then why aren’t you doing that?” I asked. It was like a floodgate had opened. “I don’t because…”, and he proceeded to rattle off a list of excuses. I’m too tired. I’m too stressed. I have a headache. It’s not my fault. It’s too hard. It will take too much time. Now’s not a good time. I’ll do it tomorrow…

Sound familiar? Sure they do. Excuses are like that. They’re automatic. They take no thinking. They require no creativity. And they shift responsibility from us to someone or something else. What we do is give our power away to some unseen force or circumstance – one that’s frankly unworthy of that kind of authority.

Worse yet, they sabotage our dreams and keep us connected to the past. They rob us of enjoying the life we love.

Many people have been programmed since their youth to throw up an excuse in the face of a query, offer or invitation – no matter how simple or benign the offer. It’s often easier to say “No,” than to say, “Yes.” Or maybe your excuses reflect a deeper issue, concern or even psychological condition in need of resolution or intervention. It could be serious, like depression, or deep-seated, like a years-old conflict that you’ve yet to put behind you.

Instead, think about your response to an offer, query or question, and envision the form it will take. Will it be an excuse? If so, stop right there. Be willing and open to admit the excuse, and change your course. Remove the alibi. Shed the mask or shield that excuses provide and take responsibility. Shift the power back to YOU. Certainly you’ve done it in the past – and it’s felt…liberating.

Here’s my challenge to you: Is there an area of your life where you’re not making the progress that you desire or deserve? Identify the top five excuses you most commonly use to justify your current reality.

Take the time to write them down.

Next, examine each excuse. Realize that your election to use that excuse is a choice you’ve made – a choice that’s ultimately holding you back. Then, envision a reality with that excuse removed – and your goals in alignment and your successes achieved. Put that vision into action, negate the excuse, achieve the success. And move on to the next excuse.

Soon, you’ll be out of excuses – and left with a life fully alive and in alignment.

As much as 80% of conversation at work contain critical comments.

Many people are uncomfortable giving and receiving appreciation.

Appreciation can have a profound impact on your life and the lives of others. Done well it can nourish relationships. It builds optimism and reduces stress.

Appreciation is about realizing that we are here to bring the best in others.

The giving of appreciation must be unconditional. If we are motivated by a payoff, it’s manipulation. The moment you use it as a tool, you become inauthentic and manipulative.

Appreciation can act like magic. People are hungry for appreciation. Appreciation restores energy and emotional balance both for the giver and receiver. Praise creates an upsurge in energy plummets when someone is criticized.

We hold appreciation for others waiting for a reason to give it or afraid that others may use it against us – “If I let him know how great he is it might go to his head. If I tell her how well she’d doing at work she’ll want more money or a promotion. This appreciation stuff is way too touchy-feely for me.”

Most of time we give other negative feedback or criticism. Appreciation can work much faster than criticism to change behaviors in others.

Think of two people whom you work closely with, or whom your success is largely dependant on. Next to their names, write down a few of their qualities you recognize as valuable. Spend time doing this and give it the thought it deserves.

Receiving appreciation. We have filters that block or deflect the appreciation we get from others. It feels uncomfortable for us and we shake it off – I don’t deserve it. It wasn’t really that big a deal. It wasn’t me that did it. Oh it was nothing.”

Can you say a simple ‘Thank You” when you receive appreciation for others and just take it in and feel it flow through you.

Parting Thought: Give the gift of appreciation to some one in your life and be open to receive appreciation from others. Aspire to work and live so that giving appreciation is simply a reflection of you own commitment to integrity and to the quality of life you want for yourself.

Today I went to Schuylkill Prison where I spent 3 hours visiting with Dave.

He went to jail on May 10th for commercial bribery and mail fraud. He is serving an 18-month sentence.

Dave was a coaching client of mine for the past 2 years. During that time we spent a good part of our time together preparing for his time in jail.

This was my first visit to see him.

The facility is in Harrisburg PA. The surroundings are beautiful. There’s no fence. No guards walking around. No lock doors. No barb wire. No bars on the doors or windows.

Not what I was expecting.

I signed in and we sat outside where we talked, laughed and cried for the next 3 hours.

During his time away, Dave is committed to an ongoing process of professional and personal development. We viewed his time in jail as being ‘on assignment’. It is an 18 month period where he can focus on developing as a human being. So we decided to use the time to the fullest. We developed an 18-month curriculum that had a combination of financial, real estate (CCIM), spiritual, mental, physical and emotional work.

Since neither one of us had ever been to prison, we had no experience how to put a program like this together. We talked to a number of people who had been in prison, we learned what he could and could not do and from that learning, we crafted the program.

Dave has access to email so we communicate on a regular basis. His phone time is limited because he save that time for his son, Dante, and his family.

He can have 4 visits a month, so that time is precious too.

It’s been 2 months since he went in and the program is working. He is reading writing, reflecting, working and learning.

Dave will be sharing his insights and learning with me so I can share them with you.

Until next time – Passion Rules.

You will hear me talk a lot about beliefs because they play such a huge role in our lives.

Our lives are defined by our beliefs and convictions. They are the lens through which we see the world. They are the filters that all our thoughts go through before we act. So our behavior is a direct result of our beliefs.

And most of us haven’t taken the time to examine those beliefs to see if they work for us.

For example, notice what you believe about yourself. And just because you believe it, doesn’t mean it’s true.

Take the time to identify and get underneath your beliefs.

It will change your life!

Until next time. Passion Rules.

What is your word worth?

Do you keep your word when you say you’re going to do something. Or do you make ‘modifications’ and ‘adjustments’ that serve you.

It seems we have gravited toward relying on contracts and attorneys to interpret what we said and what we really meant.

It’s sad to think we don’t put enough value in ourselves to make our word worth what we said.

If I were to ask people who knew you, “Can you rely on what John says?” Is his word worth it? Can I depend it – 100%?”

How would they answer?

Until next time – Passion Rules!

As much as 80% of conversations at work contain critical comments.

Many people are uncomfortable giving and receiving appreciation.

Appreciation can have a profound impact on your life and the lives of others. Done well it can nourish relationships. It builds optimism and reduces stress.

Appreciation is about realizing that we are here to bring the best in others.

The giving of appreciation must be unconditional. If we are motivated by a payoff, it’s manipulation. The moment you use it as a tool, you become inauthentic and manipulative.

Appreciation can act like magic. People are hungry for appreciation. Appreciation restores energy and emotional balance both for the giver and receiver. Praise creates an upsurge in energy plummets when someone is criticized.

We hold appreciation for others waiting for a reason to give it or afraid that others may use it against us – “If I let him know how great he is it might go to his head. If I tell her how well she’s doing at work she’ll want more money or a promotion. This appreciation stuff is way too touchy-feely for me.”

Most of time we give others negative feedback or criticism. Appreciation can work much faster than criticism to change behaviors in others.

Think of two people whom you work closely with, or whom your success is largely dependant on. Next to their names, write down a few of their qualities you recognize as valuable. Spend time doing this and give it the thought it deserves.

Receiving appreciation. We have filters that block or deflect the appreciation we get from others. It feel uncomfortable for us and we shake it off – I don’t deserve it. It wasn’t really that big a deal. It wasn’t me that did it. Oh it was nothing.”

Can you say a simple ‘Thank You” when you receive appreciation from others and just take it in and feel it flow through you.

Until next time – Passion Rules!

I’m working with a client who made a business decision 5 years ago, that is sending him to jail.

It took about 5 seconds to make the decision.

At the time, it was just another decision in the 100′s he made every day. He didn’t think about the long-term consequences of the decision.

At times he told himself it was ‘no big deal’. He had always been able to ‘figure things out’. And no matter what happened he would be able to ‘deal with it or solve it’.

When we face decisions that might compromise our integrity and put us out of alignment, many of us tell ourselves, “It’s no big deal”, “It’s just this once”, “No one will know”, “It’s not really hurting anyone”.

It’s our way of rationalizing and justifying in our mind what we know, at a deeper level, isn’t right.

If you stop and notice, you will feel out of alignment.

Many of us get so caught up in the world around us, that we don’t stop and think about our choices. We just decide, decide, decide, decide, and decide. We make most of these decisions unconsciously. And that can be scary. If you ever get a chance – explore the reliability of your unconscious choices – it will scare the s*%# out of you.

You don’t want your unconscious self making important decisions.

My client made a decision in 5 seconds that has changed his life forever.

Be present and in alignment with all your key decisions. Listen to your deeper intuitive self when it comes to choices that challenge your integrity.

And make 100% of your choices in alignment with what you know is right and true for you.

Don’t compromise.

Because if you do, it may change your life forever.

Until next time – Passion Rules!

I walked into the gym yesterday and the sign on the desk said ‘You are what you measure, start your exercise program today with a trained professional’.

It’s true, as human beings we respond to what we, or others, measure ourselves by. If our measurement of success is money, then we measure ourselves by how much money we are making. If we are being measured by how many ‘widgets’ we sell, then we are going to focus on selling as many as we can.

At AutoNation, I was managing a $250 million marketing budget. A big part of my performance was measured by how well I managed that budget. So my focus was on meeting that metric.

Measured metrics drive behavior.

Do you have measurements to help you drive the behavior you want to achieve?

If you are driving the behavior that you want, then you probably have the right metrics for yourself.

If you are not driving the behavior you want, then you might be using the wrong metrics.

To change behavior consider changing the metrics.

Until next time – Passion Rules!

One of my hobbies is photography. Last week I was watching a documentary on James Nachtwey, one of the most renowned ‘war photographers’ in the world.

His work is hard to look at and yet it’s captivating. I think it’s important to look at it. It’s important to see what we do to each other when we are scared, angry, greedy and desperate.

www.jamesnachtwey.com

His work helps me ‘reframe’ my world because I clearly take what I have for granted. Lately I’ve been obsessing over what we’ve lost and with the uncertainty of what else is going to happen. In addition, I worry about what I don’t have – “I don’t have enough (fill in the blank) and I need more (fill in the blank).

When I shift my perspective and look at everything we have, then I shift from a state of fear and scarcity to gratitude and abundance.

It’s a new perspective for me – and it feels great.

In today’s economic environment it’s easy for me to get caught up in what we’ve lost and the fear of what’s going to happen to us, our money and our stuff….when in reality – it is what it is. We’ll be fine (You’ll be fine too). Sure it’s hard. It’s a pain in the ass and I don’t like it, but it’s not life threatening. And we have everything we need to get through it. And we will get through it (You will too).

Shift your perspective….it will change your life.

Until next time – Passion Rules!

The media we consume every day – TV, radio, magazines, newspapers, even the Internet, BlackBerry and videogames – can be toxic and consume our precious time. And in today’s environment, the media is giving us an extra dose of negativity. It seems like no matter where you turn, it’s all negative. We have enough negativity in our lives right now without purposely adding it to our diet.

Consider the media you consume, because your mind becomes a reflection of the media itself. What we feed our minds affects us in so many ways. It influences what we say and how we project ourselves – externally and internally. We behave in alignment with what we see. The negative influences pervade our souls and our interactions with others.

Sadly, we’re ignorant to what we’ve done, unknowingly relented in the battle for our minds.

So is the media toxic to your spirit? Or is it a wellspring of knowledge and enlightenment?

Up for a challenge? Try this: Avoid TV for 10 days. Give it a try and see how you feel. And be deliberate about the other media you consume. Choose content that feeds your mind in a healthy way and gives you the energy you need to support yourself in this chaotic environment.

Today’s the day to turn off toxic media and stay mentally healthy!

Until next time. Passion Rules!.

Each and every one of us has a unique gift. A unique gift given to us by God. Are you using that gift? Are you giving the gift to world? Or is it buried deep down inside of you waiting to be discovered. Or you might not even know what it is.

I believe we’re here to discover our gift and give it to the world. That’s what life is about. Because when you are delivering that gift, when you are offering people that true ‘authentic’ part of you, you will feel fulfilled. You will feel fully alive and those people around you will connect with you. Because you are being you.

Each and everyone of us has the opportunity to create this magic. There’s a magic that takes place around you when you unfold and deliver your gift.

Until next time – Passion Rules!